Fuck Valentine’s, you’re an Independent Woman!

Valentine’s Day always seems pretty impossible to escape, even if you’re single. Between shops ramming it down our throats, relatives asking if we’re spending it with anyone and people declaring their undying love for their other halves on social media, sometimes it’s hard to get a break. So we’re here to remind you that life does exist outside of Valentine’s Day, and to do so, we’ve rounded up some of the best things you could be doing on Feb 14 if you don’t have a partner.

If you want a laugh… fuck valentines Jordan Waller’s one-man comedy show is on at Vault Festival in Waterloo. ‘The D Word’ is an autobiographical piece which sees Jordan unlawfully hunt for his biological father, having been raised by lesbian parents. Fast, funny,thought-provoking, and completely autobiographical. Go see it if you want to hear more quotes like this one: ‘Gays are more creative than land breeders because when we have sex, we’re not concerned with the banal biological urges of procreation. Ours is a world engaged purely in the pursuit of pleasure, and we create new ways to achieve this – like Renaissance art and double-arm-fisting.’ Tickets are £12, you can get them here.

If you’re particularly pissed off with Valentine’s Day… rich mix valentines Heartbreak Hotel at Rich Mix celebrates its final day with an Anti-Valentine’s Day extravaganza. In their words, Heartbreak Hotel is a ‘festival exploring heartbreak and creating a community for the people who aren’t buying or expecting over-instagrammed roses.’They invite you to ‘boss Valentine’s Day with an evening of unmissable performances exploring the journey from heartbreak back to loving and appreciating the awesomeness of who you are!’ Tickets are £10, available here. valentines london   In the same vein, the Royal Vauxhall Tavern is hosting PopHorror’s second annual Anti-Valentine’s Ball. Hosted by Baby Lame, there will be appearances from Audrey Heartburn, Billie Butch and PopHorror’s new artist in residence, Oedipussi Rex, amongst others. They’ve also got Instasham, where you can create your own fake romantic selfies, Damaged Goods Tombola, and Speed Hating sessions to enjoy. Tickets are £7-£10 and available here.

If you want to belt out some tunes…

The Apple Tree London in Clerkenwell presents ‘Sing Your Heart Out – Valentine’s Karaoke for all!’ It’s hosted by Bambi Bang Bang, and LGBTQ+ and alternative lifestyle friendly. In their words, ‘we think Valentine’s day shouldn’t just be for lovers!’ Tickets for this one are free, you can get them here.

If you want to let your inner child out… shrek london This may be the coolest thing ever, and we’re really annoyed we’ve just discovered it. Wait for it… Shrek’s Adventure does adult lates! It’s 75 minutes, 10 live interactive shows full of adult humour and a 4D bus experience with Donkey in the driving seat. We know where we’ll be on the 14th. Tickets are £29, but that includes two drinks. Book here. If you fancy a night in…

Netflix and chill? Or the lesser used Prime and chill? Our top picks for the two platforms are below.

NetflixSex Education 

If you haven’t heard about this you’ve been living under a rock for the past month, we saw the Director, Kate Heron, give an interview the other day, and she’s ace.

Fyre Festival 

We’re all on that explosive documentary shit these days, check this out for your latest fix.

Little Women 

This one goes up February 11, try denying it’s a classic.

PrimeLorena 

A four part documentary about a wife cutting off her husband’s penis in 1993 after years of abuse – important and entertaining.

Wayne’s World

(memories…)

Along Came Polly (this one just went up and it’s 2004 Jenifer Aniston, need we say more?).

Whatever you’re doing this Valentine’s day, single or coupled up, we’ve got a lot of love for you here at NL!

Team NL x

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