….And it never has been.
Picture this, It’s October, you’re excited because you’re going on a tinder date with an absolute 10/10 in your eyes and it’s particularly important to you because you’ve just come out of a relationship that sucked dick (for want of a better phrase, but without going in to detail – it was shit).
So, back to this tinder date. You doll up, you head out – meet this girl, she’s amazing – intelligent, funny, seems like she has zero baggage (does that exist?). You both get a bit drunk and kiss. Wicked – perfect date. Fast forward to date 2 … again, great vibes, you’re both getting on super well, if not a little too well. She’s forward and invites you to hers … you sleep together (or was it foreplay? Who knows what’s what in lesbian sex land). From this you feel like things are going well – and why shouldn’t you?
You’re now thinking of organising date number 3. So you message her and ask how she is and if she’s up for catching up again at the weekend. There’s a bit of back and forth chat but then, all of a sudden she literally just stops replying to your messages.
Hmmm, has she lost her phone? Was she mugged on the way home from work? No, wait, her WhatsApp is clearly updating and it’s taking 5 days? Or, perhaps she’s actually just died… that would be super unfortunate but it could have totally happened. Oh god, you’ve just found your future wife and she’s died…
Hun, we’re here to tell you the sad, sad, hard, slap you in the tit truth. She’s not died, nor has she been too busy at work … you’ve just been ghosted.
Now we’ve set the scene, how many of you have experienced this or had multiple mates tell you a very similar story? You don’t even have to answer that question because we already know. We asked 100 people (of mixed genders and sexualities) and 87% have either been ghosted or have ghosted someone. And to add to this sad fact of today’s dating scene; this article came about due to it being an extremely common story of events at Nonchalant HQ (on a daily basis one of us tells a tail of the ghosting or “fuckboy” variety), and to be quite frank, we’re sick of it so we’re writing this to make it clear to all that ghosting someone really is a DICK move and we all need to act better.
So in a nutshell, from our mini-research we’ve discovered that lesbians too like to ghost other women but to add to this, we also found out that there is a real issue with some lesbians acting like “fuckboys”. And if you’ve not heard of that term before (where have you been love?), a “fuckboy” is a man who likes to lead women on, sleep with them, then move on to the next. But we want to tackle this in girl-on-girl land because in the age of “women supporting women” and helping each other to get over this man’s world why the hell are we treating each other like pieces of meat? It’s not cute, it never has been and it’s actually possibly the most counterproductive thing in the history feminism (in our opinion).
So be true to yourself now, have you ever treated another woman like this? If so, why? We want to know. And if you’ve been treated like this you’ll need to get on board too. Times are changing and Nonchalant want to lead the way in this movement of the “gentlewoman”, we’re getting some new guidelines so you can be less of dick to other women … you’re welcome:
Steps to not being a dickhead:
- Reply to messages and be honest. If it’s not working out for you just tell them, perhaps you can be mates.
- Be kind, it costs sweet FA.
- If you’re emotionally unavailable, stop using other women for sex and sort yourself out sweetheart, or be honest from the get-go. It’s ok to have one night stands if the other person is also ok with this.
- Stop lying. If you’re dating other women – that’s fine, but tell them that and let them decide if that’s ok for them.
- If you’re committing, then delete your dating apps. Don’t have other people on back up, that’s weird and not cool.
- If you like the girl, reply to her messages and don’t play hard to get. This shit gets old.
- Be honest about your past. Everyone has ex-girlfriends, don’t hide them, they always come out of the woodwork in the end.
- Be open to being rejected, if she doesn’t feel the chemistry, it’s ok – there’s going to be an amazing person around the corner for you.
- In the words of Aretha Franklin – R.E.S.P.E.C.T… find out what it means to …. (this should have been point 1).
- But ultimately…let’s all stop ghosting each other.
We hope we’ve all learned something here … honesty is the best policy, and ghosting does not and should not belong in our community, or anyone’s for that matter.
Get in touch with your dating stories, and you might get published in our new section dedicated to our readers: Your Stories. Send your story through to the team at firstname.lastname@example.org
Team Nonchalant x