In this article, I’ll share tips on how to find your perfect match. Not in terms of a lover (there are plenty of apps for that), but your ideal strap-on. From understanding sizing to exploring strapless options, from harness tips to the all-important role of lube, I’ve got you covered. Are you ready to become a well-strapped studette? Great! Let’s dive in!
Which is the most popular strap-on?
Many customers ask about the best strap-on for women and I’m more than happy to answer: Our most popular strap-on is the Sh! Cupid 3, in purple, with a black 2-strap leather harness to hold it. But – it’s important to know that just because it’s the most popular doesn’t mean it’s the best for you.

Cupid 3 is “average” (in size – it’s big on pleasure!). We measure dildos in fingers and Cupid 3 has the ‘right’ number of fingers for many. The tip starts at 2 fingers in girth, curves to 2.5 and measures 3 fingers around the base.
When shopping for a dildo, think about how many fingers feel just right for you (or the receiver). This can be 1 finger, 2 fingers, or any number of fingers up to a full fist. It’s always better to go slightly smaller if you’re unsure. A dildo that’s too big will feel uncomfortable or even painful – not conducive to pleasure! The Sh! website lets you filter dildos in “fingers, ” allowing you to browse only the sizes that suit you best.
Sh! silicone dildos are hand-poured by our dildo-maker here in London. We make the UK’s widest range of sizes, colours and designs – there is something for everyone!
The bestselling 2-strap harness is also handmade, and as long as it’s cared for, a Sh! harness will continue to give pleasure for many years. The 2-strap harness is fully adjustable so it can be shared. Size it for the partner with curvier hips, and the slimmer-hipped partner can simply tighten the straps when it’s their turn to wear it. Easy!
The 2-strap harness is available in faux leather for all our Vegan customers.
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Is a strapless dildo easier to use?
As the name suggests, a strapless dildo is designed to be used without a harness. If you
haven’t tried a traditional strap-on combo with harness and dildo before, the harness can
look fiddly and unnecessary. I agree that a strapless dildo looks a lot easier in comparison, but before you go ahead and place that order, let’s take a moment to think about how a
strapless dildo works.
A strapless is held in place without straps – i.e. with your vagina. That’s it. Your pelvic floor needs to hold on to the weighty strapless dildo, thrust and grind into your partner and you may want to kiss and touch as well – this takes multi-tasking to a whole new level! Strapless strap-on sex is deliciously close and intimate, but it’s not easy. If you know that your pelvic floor isn’t up to it yet, I recommend getting a harness, a dildo, and also a love ball to help tone up the pelvic floor. Once you’ve gotten into the groove of harnessed strap-on pleasure, you can level up to a strapless strap-on.

Is lube a must for strap-on sex?
A customer once decided to use a dildo made by another company, known for their rubbery silicone. She didn’t want to use lube on the premise that she was plenty wet anyway. After a long, intense session, she realised the dryness of the dildo had chafed her insides, causing blisters inside her vagina. (Ouch!)
Babes, don’t think you can lie back and think of England – strap-on sex is involved, passionate, sweaty and sexy. It can go on for a long time. Add lube. Even if you think you don’t need it. Strap-on sex should be fun and pleasureful, and lube enhances your pleasure. We recommend using a water-based lube with our handmade silicone dildos. Water-based lube is easy to wash out of sheets and rarely causes issues with vaginal pH.
What position is best for strap-on sex?
Well, it depends on. What sex positions do you usually enjoy? Are there any mobility issues? You can use a strap-on in most of your favourite positions, as long as you can thrust or grind comfortably.
We recommend a longer dildo for passionate in-and-out thrusting. Likewise, if you are both curvy, a longer dildo will offer more to enjoy without tums & bums getting in the way. A shorter dildo works well for close grinding, or if the receiver finds deep penetration uncomfortable.
A thigh harness could be a great option if you or your partner have mobility issues. Strap a dildo to the thigh, and then invite the receiver to sit on top and ride it. (This also works immensely well if you, like me, are lazy. No judgement here!)
It can feel awkward to wear a strap-on for the first time and as you won’t be able to feel your partner through the dildo, first-time nerves are expected. Here’s what to remember:
1 – You look super hot!
2 – Your partner wants to explore this new pleasure with you!
3 – Strap-on sex is a cardio workout and it’s okay to take a break.
I recommend the receiving partner go on top first. That way they can move in ways and at a pace that offers the most pleasure for them. As your confidence grows, you can expand your repertoire and try any position that takes your fancy.
How can I get more stimulation when I wear my strap-on?
There are many fun and innovative options for the wearer of the strap-on. Firstly, our handmade dildos are available as vibrating dildos. This means the wearer can enjoy the vibrating dildo base against their pubis, making it easier to orgasm while strapping. Win! If the wearer loves penetration, a Sh! Dual Dildo Accessory is the answer to her/their prayers. This accessory lets you strap a second dildo to the harness, for your own enjoyment. Essentially, you are rocking two dildos!
Or, how about a Bananapants dildo base cushion? These are super-soft cushions that sit on the base of the dildo, giving the wearer something to grind against. A couple of designs have space for a small vibrating bullet, which is great if the wearer enjoys vibration but the receiver doesn’t.
You can fit your strap-on with all sorts of fun accessories – pimp your strap-on, babes!
5 tips for strap-on sex
Form your thumb and forefinger into an O and hold it around the base of your dildo. This way your aim is true (even the most experienced strap-on studette can slip out by accident) plus you get to feel how wet she is every time you dip in!
Does your dildo have a curved tip? If so, aim the tip downwards if your partner is on all fours and you’re doin’ it doggy style. This way, the dildo follows the natural shape of the vagina and won’t cause pain. The same goes for anyone with a backwards-tilted uterus. (You would only know if your doctor has mentioned it.) This can make penetration painful. Try out different positions and turn the dildo downwards to stop it from going ‘up’ into the vagina.
Want to double-dip your dildo? Slip several condoms on it and remove one each time you dip into a different orifice. This keeps play clean & hygienic.
Anal penetration & pegging can be incredibly pleasurable if it’s done right. Choose a slim dildo with a flared base (safety first!) and load on the lube. Go slow and keep checking in with the receiver.
Communication, communication, communication. You won’t be able to feel through your dildo, so keep communication ongoing to ensure the receiver is having the time of their life!
Sh! is a trailblazing, lesbian-owned business that has been empowering women and celebrating sexuality since 1992. Known for its welcoming and inclusive atmosphere, Sh! offers a carefully curated selection of body-safe sex toys and products designed with women and non-binary folks in mind. A standout feature of the store is its handmade strap-ons, crafted with care to ensure comfort, durability, and style.